Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
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No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
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This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize