Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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