I want to stick my p in your. b.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
