he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
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somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
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Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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