Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
