ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
