I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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