Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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