i love accidental penises.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
