I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
