Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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