im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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