there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
