shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize