I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
