I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize