I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
