Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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