Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
