I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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