If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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