that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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