Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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