I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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