you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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