I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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