Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
