discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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