the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
