it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
