Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He felt like a one man threesome
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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