either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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