yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
