you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I don't deserve a penis
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
