What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
