Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize