he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
