she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
