i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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