Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
