i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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