Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
