It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just found puke in my bra..
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
