i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
