Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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