FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize