Non-Jews are for practice
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
