hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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