After last night, I could never be a politician.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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