Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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