Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
