zippers are such a cool invention
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
