We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
