Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
