Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
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I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
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I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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