Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
