I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
