I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
