God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize