I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
