Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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