She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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