i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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