It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
