I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
