The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
