she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
