Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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