did you get engaged???
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
