how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
