How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch