Texts From Last Night

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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.

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  (321): Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance. http://tfl.nu/ue6b
  Replies (56) Good night (1476) Bad night (2495)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  are you high?

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  (402): what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers (1-402): are you high? http://tfl.nu/fjf1
  Replies (36) Good night (12582) Bad night (970)
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  (415): View more from California

  Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Cooked or uncooked?

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  (415): Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep. (503): Cooked or uncooked? http://tfl.nu/xhai
  Replies (12) Good night (4105) Bad night (728)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.

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  (330): Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like. http://tfl.nu/uplz
  Replies (5) Good night (3596) Bad night (1010)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.

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  (204): Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie. http://tfl.nu/nzfy
  Replies (21) Good night (5368) Bad night (928)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"

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  (712): That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time" http://tfl.nu/be6i
  Replies (11) Good night (4418) Bad night (735)
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  (707): View more from California

  Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!

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  (707): Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down! http://tfl.nu/7qyi
  Replies (12) Good night (1316) Bad night (783)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?

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  (615): Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help? http://tfl.nu/mn7q
  Replies (0) Good night (513) Bad night (880)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self

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  (514): She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self http://tfl.nu/l5li
  Replies (3) Good night (824) Bad night (652)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.

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  (765): So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor. http://tfl.nu/2e0y
  Replies (6) Good night (1514) Bad night (538)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.

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  (412): the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then. http://tfl.nu/3z0k
  Replies (7) Good night (841) Bad night (393)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.

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  (262): I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger. http://tfl.nu/vt6v
  Replies (6) Good night (701) Bad night (382)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating

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  (407): I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating http://tfl.nu/dhhy
  Replies (1) Good night (591) Bad night (253)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.

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  (952): We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me. http://tfl.nu/mqtk
  Replies (3) Good night (701) Bad night (331)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.

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  (630): Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat. http://tfl.nu/abrh
  Replies (1) Good night (556) Bad night (343)

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