it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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