It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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