Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos