Texts From Last Night

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  (813): View more from Florida

  Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad

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  (813): Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad http://tfl.nu/80vf
  Replies (23) Good night (1106) Bad night (3556)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice

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  (210): she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice http://tfl.nu/lxs5
  Replies (13) Good night (751) Bad night (3485)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"

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  (251): Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave" http://tfl.nu/shdd
  Replies (34) Good night (5487) Bad night (1097)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.

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  (917): its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny. http://tfl.nu/2ipn
  Replies (10) Good night (832) Bad night (4240)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  What'd you guys eat?

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Literally everything that was frozen.

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  (918): What'd you guys eat? (1-918): Literally everything that was frozen. http://tfl.nu/igjp
  Replies (8) Good night (4132) Bad night (878)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.

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  (414): no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good. http://tfl.nu/zhbu
  Replies (23) Good night (5725) Bad night (1133)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"

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  (817): This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here" http://tfl.nu/277o
  Replies (9) Good night (3440) Bad night (1323)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.

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  (318): the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese. http://tfl.nu/xs1m
  Replies (7) Good night (3453) Bad night (877)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.

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  (573): You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad. http://tfl.nu/q4da
  Replies (6) Good night (2376) Bad night (1351)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.

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  (218): Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple. http://tfl.nu/aihu
  Replies (4) Good night (2228) Bad night (636)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.

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  (304): Malt liquor mondays...better in theory. http://tfl.nu/6cjj
  Replies (2) Good night (773) Bad night (554)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.

  (316): View more from Kansas

  And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming

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  (316): ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid. (316): And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming http://tfl.nu/9ifj
  Replies (2) Good night (898) Bad night (364)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.

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  (630): Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in. http://tfl.nu/lkgb
  Replies (12) Good night (1122) Bad night (361)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.

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  (601): This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt. http://tfl.nu/idus
  Replies (4) Good night (247) Bad night (538)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.

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  (705): So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that. http://tfl.nu/fs4o
  Replies (0) Good night (245) Bad night (465)

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