I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
