I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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