DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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